You’ve Gotta’ Start Somewhere

This blog is about life. And death. And loss. As experienced by me (obviously)….

I am not sure what my intention is, other than to try and get all the tangles out of my head, and into some other format…so that I can continue to “move forward”. The details of my story will probably come out bit by bit. That’s just how I am, not completely comfortable spilling my guts right up front, about things that are so personal, yet living in this modern world, and aware that sharing can help.

What I will tell you is, that last year, within the span of four months, I lost the two most important men in my life. My dad died in January 2012, followed unexpectedly by my sweet husband, 4 months later. My dad was 71, my husband was 39. They died of different causes, but I was present for each of their last breaths.

I know I have been deeply affected at my core, but I don’t know how yet.

A couple other things that might be worth mentioning:

  • This blog won’t be an altar to the ones I’ve lost (because they were both private, and it’s too personal), but it will be an exploration of how their lives and deaths affected me.
  • This blog will definitely contain cursing…and probably, also, incomplete thoughts…and total over-use of ellipses.
  • I can’t promise that the posts are in any kind of “order”.
  • I still have a sense of humor, though it might not be in everyone’s taste.
  • There will be questions about “faith”, spirituality, and belief systems. I do not believe in God, but I do believe in “something”. (I am just not sure what that “something” is anymore.)
  • All the illustrations are my own, and the photos were taken either by me or my husband, unless otherwise stated.
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20 thoughts on “You’ve Gotta’ Start Somewhere

  1. Hello again, I have nominated you for the Beautiful Blogger Award. You can choose to participate or not. It’s up to you. To read more about it you can go to my post at

    http://rosechimera.wordpress.com/2012/10/18/beautiful-blogger-award-nominaiton/

    You will also see the list of other bloggers I’ve nominated.
    The rules are simple:
    1. Thank the one who nominated you.
    2. Attach the award to your site. (You can get the pic on my site to copy)
    3. List 7 random things about yourself
    4. Nominate 15 other bloggers.

  2. I’m so sorry for your losses. I lost my dad in 2010 and my husband earlier this year. Sometimes, life sucks but all you can do is move on. Keep writing – it helps. 🙂

  3. I’m so sorry for your losses. Glad you have found an outlet. I’m new to blogging too and it’s both sobering and comforting to meet others with similar experiences. I know you checked out ridingbitchblog but you might also be interested in letterstomrsmith.wordpress.com. These are the letters I wrote to my late husband last year. Looking forward to following you here and sincerely wishing you the best.

  4. Just found your blog. So sorry for the loss of your dad and husband. My husband died of cancer on May 6 this year. The last 18 months of my life has been surreal. I wish I had your humor. I can’t seem to crawl out of the grief/regret/anger…..as you describe your husband telling you, I flash back on my husband coming into our room on aFriday evening. The doctor was on the phone. “It’s bad” he said. As the song says we are all one phone call from our knees. Anyway, too long but I look forward to reading your blog and hope that you continue to write.

    • I’m so sorry Cathy…Your loss is quite recent, like mine. I can completely relate to the feelings of “surrealness”. It’s an awful feeling…and coming out of that cloud is even worse. I wish you comfort and healing as you work through your loss.

  5. Hi, I just came across your blog. I’m so sorry you lost your dad and husband, and so close to one another. I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer in November 2008. Writing has been my way of healing and I hope it helps you too. I have poured my emotions into words, met others who’ve experienced loss and truly understand what I am feeling, and made friends in the cyber world. A friend once told me that loss of someone dear to you can best be understood by those who’ve experienced the same thing and I’ve found that to be so true. I’ve started following your blog and I am going to put you on my blog roll since I know some of my readers could benefit from your writings. I wish you all the best. Take care.

  6. Hello, it’s me. I just wanted to let you know that I have nominated you for the Liebster Award. I don’t know if you’re into Awards, but I also think of it as an opportunity to encourage my readers to come and visit your blog. 🙂
    If you want to partake in the Award, please visit my blog and check it out. No worries if you prefer to not to; just wanted to pass on my respect.
    http://tfaswift.com/2012/12/07/liebster-award/

  7. I’m sorry for your loss… Thanks for stopping by my blog, and I’m so glad that I’m visiting yours. Blogging is how I began to come to terms with the deaths suffered in my family over a short period of time as well. It can be unnerving at first, to bare your feelings to whomever might come by, but it’s really cathartic. I started 9 years ago and haven’t looked back. Keep writing, friend.

  8. Hello. I stopped by and began reading and quickly got hooked. I’m inspired by your courage and strength…looking forward to following your blog. Wishing you the best, in the spirit of healing and hope.

  9. I’m so sorry about the deaths of your dad and husband. I lost my oldest brother in April 2012 at 56, my father six months later in October at 83. I was present for my father’s last breath, but not my brother’s. He died alone, and hopefully in his sleep. It sucks we have some commonality. But somehow, reading your blog brings comfort.

  10. Thanks for following me. I can’t nominate you for anything except the “Death and Dying Sucks” club of which you already a member. Sorry about that. I look forward to reading more.

  11. Hi there–I nominated you for a Liebster award in my latest blog at http://candidkay.com. So glad I stumbled upon your blog. Love it and having lost two of my best loved in the past two years, I’m right thee with you.

    When you post an entry re: your Liebster nomination, you need to answer 11 questions to let us know a bit more about you. I’ve put them below.

    1–What is your favorite journey?
    2–Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
    3–What is your most treasured possession?
    4–What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
    5–If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say as you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
    6–What is your favorite virtue?
    7–What is your favorite motto or saying?
    8–What is your pet peeve?
    9–What is your most irrational fear?
    10–On a typical Friday evening, we’ll find you . . . where and doing what?
    11–Who inspires you?

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