Holiday Creep

Of course there is currently much talk about the holidays, and how to cope with them after experiencing loss. I understand the good intentions behind discussing, thinking, and preparing for the upcoming season. And that it might not be a bad idea to have a “plan” in place….

Me and my husband – we were our own little unit. A self-sufficient satellite station. We both grew up with families that were low-key about the holidays, wonderful families with virtually no drama or expectations about where we spent our Thanksgiving, or Christmas, families that also happened to be very far away – mine, across the country, his, on an entirely different continent. So we all actually felt it was more enjoyable for everyone to visit in the off-seasons, without any of the potential holiday travel fiascos. Continue reading

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Hope. A glimmer.

There might be quite a few Joan Didion quotes working their way into this blog. After her husband died suddenly from heart failure (whilst their daughter was in the hospital, deathly ill) she wrote “The Year of Magical Thinking”. The title itself is one I can aspire to, as I immediately thought, how about more like, “The Year of Messed-Up Thinking”, but I will get back to the title later. Continue reading

You’ve Gotta’ Start Somewhere

This blog is about life. And death. And loss. As experienced by me (obviously)….

I am not sure what my intention is, other than to try and get all the tangles out of my head, and into some other format…so that I can continue to “move forward”. The details of my story will probably come out bit by bit. That’s just how I am, not completely comfortable spilling my guts right up front, about things that are so personal, yet living in this modern world, and aware that sharing can help.

What I will tell you is, that last year, within the span of four months, I lost the two most important men in my life. My dad died in January 2012, followed unexpectedly by my sweet husband, 4 months later. My dad was 71, my husband was 39. They died of different causes, but I was present for each of their last breaths.

I know I have been deeply affected at my core, but I don’t know how yet.

A couple other things that might be worth mentioning:

  • This blog won’t be an altar to the ones I’ve lost (because they were both private, and it’s too personal), but it will be an exploration of how their lives and deaths affected me.
  • This blog will definitely contain cursing…and probably, also, incomplete thoughts…and total over-use of ellipses.
  • I can’t promise that the posts are in any kind of “order”.
  • I still have a sense of humor, though it might not be in everyone’s taste.
  • There will be questions about “faith”, spirituality, and belief systems. I do not believe in God, but I do believe in “something”. (I am just not sure what that “something” is anymore.)
  • All the illustrations are my own, and the photos were taken either by me or my husband, unless otherwise stated.